Focus, or lack there of, or something....

I find myself in an internal struggle. Which aspects of my disorders do I focus on? The panic attacks and general anxiety? The obsessive compulsive? The codependency? All three at once? I keep changing my mind, and all too often I just spend time pacing back and forth thinking about it and not doing much about it. They're all tied together at the core, and each one affects the other.

My anxiety has been at or close to level 8 for about 3 days now, I still can't sleep for more than 3-4 hours at a time, so it makes it very difficult for me to read my self-help books. I feel like I've run out of time to fix my disorders, that I should no longer be shut in the house and I should be working by now.

But right now I have my time to work on myself, and that's what I'll do. I've come to the conclusion it doesn't matter which aspect I focus on, as long as I work on me in some way then I'm doing something valuable. Even if it's just coping with the anxiety on a daily basis and learning to adjust to my medications and having a little patience with myself. Patience is so important, but it's tough to have patience when I just want to scream in frustration.

Ah, screaming.... so many people have told me that I should scream once in a while to let it all out, let the tension out, but I never have. I'm too worried that someone will hear me, but so many have told me to just shout it out and I'll feel so much better. A psychic once told me I need to go out in the woods and scream it all out, many years ago, but I never did. My cousin recently and repeatedly told me I should do it and said it would be OK to do it. Maybe I'll try that. But they're sleeping right now the last thing I want to do is wake them up when they have a lot of work to do tomorrow.

So I'll keep thinking about shouting it out, and maybe on Monday when they are both at work I'll try it.