Below is the workbook I am curently using, it's a great workbook, and I recommend getting the accompanying book, Facing Codependence, from the same authors.

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What a shameless plug, eh?

It's often compared to a substance dependency like alcoholism, and as such is usually treated through a 12-step program similar to AA, and I have been attending meetings like this called Codependents Anonymous (CoDA). (At least until I moved, there aren't any meetings in my area unfortunately, because they really helped.) The best way to explain it to other people who aren't familiar with it is to list the common symptoms.

List of symptoms

1. My good feelings about who I am stem from being liked by you
   
2. My good feelings about who I am stem from receiving approval from you
   
3. Your struggle affects my serenity. My mental attention focuses on solving your problems/relieving your pain
   
4. My mental attention is focused on you
   
5. My mental attention is focused on protecting you
   
6. My mental attention is focused on manipulating you to do it my way
   
7. My self-esteem is bolstered by solving your problems
   
8. My self-esteem is bolstered by relieving your pain
   
9. My own hobbies/interests are put to one side. My time is spent sharing your hobbies/interests
   
10. Your behavior is dictated by my desires and I feel you are a reflection of me
    
11. I am not aware of how I feel. I am aware of how you feel.
    
12. I am not aware of what I want - I ask what you want. I am not aware - I assume
    
13. The dreams I have for my future are linked to you
    
14. My fear of rejection determines what I say or do
    
15. My fear of your anger determines what I say or do
    
16. I use giving as a way of feeling safe in our relationship
    
17. My social circle diminishes as I involve myself with you
    
18. I put my values aside in order to connect with you
    
19. I value your opinion and way of doing things more than my own
    
20. The quality of my life is in relation to the quality of yours
    

One example I can give you is when I play a song I like for someone, I wait for their reaction, and if they don't like the song I take it as rejection of my self, and take it as far as thinking that this person doesn't like me or doesn't want to be around me because they didn't like the song that I did.

In Co-Dependents Anonymous, step one to recovery is to admit that I am powerless over others, and that my life has become unmanageable. Admitting that yes, my life was unmanageable, and yes, I can't control what others say or do or think, was a key factor in the beginning of my recovery from codependence. I still utter that phrase when I feel frustrated that other's aren't acting the way I want them to. And when I utter that phrase, whether out loud or silently, it takes a great burden off my shoulders and I then see whatever situation for what it really is.

I am currently using the workbook Breaking Free to help me recover from my codependency. It's a companion workbook to the book Facing Codependence: What It Is, Where It Comes From, How It Sabotages Our Lives, in which Pia Mellody describes 5 core symptoms of codependency, how those symptoms developed distorted thinking patterns and boundaries, and provides a path to recovery. I am using both books together, and man I tell you they are really opening up a lot of doors within me that even after attending many therapy sessions and group therapy never came out.

To quote from this book: This desease and its link to various forms of child abuse is a complex subject. Because of dysfunctional childhood experiences a codependent adult lacks the ability to be a mature person capable of living a full and maningful life. Two key areas of a person's life reflect codependence: the relationship with the self and the relationships with others. The relationship with one's self, I believe, is the most important, because when peoplle have a respectful, affirming relationship with themselves, relationships with others automatically become less dysfunctional and more respectful and affirming.

I was first introduced to the idea of Codependency by reading John Bradshaw's book Homecoming: Reclaiming and Championing Your Inner Child. Boy that book was a real emotional eye opener for me, and was very instrumental in my seeking support for the problems stemming from the "skeletons in my closet", and through this book I learned that I needed to begin self-parenting myself, to experience and express love.

I'll quote a section from this book:

I like mnemonic formulas, so I'll describe some of the ways the wounded inner child contaminates our lives using the wourd CONTAMINATE. Each lettrer stands for a significant way in which the inner child sabotages adult life.....

1. Co-Dependence
2. Offender Behaviors
3. Narcissistic Disorders
4. Trust Issues
5. Acting Out/Acting In Behaviors
6. Magical Beliefs
7. Intimacy Dystunctions
8. Nondisciplined Behaviors
9. Addictive/Compulsive Behaviors
10. Thought Distortions
11. Emptiness (Apathy, Depression)

I'm actually re-reading this book as I go through my Breaking Free workbook. John Bradshaw has a great way of writing, and Pia Mellody's book is very structured. They both have, in my opinion, excellent tools that not only provide insight and information, but actually give me the tools to learn to love myself and others and get rid of my codependency.

I have other books I refer to occasionally for codependency, but those listed above are the ones I use the most. It's a long journey, with many setbacks along the way, but the rewards far outweigh the cost of the journey. My relationship with my family has improved considerably since I began reading these books and using the tools they offer. I now actually feel like I'm a part of my family, I feel loved, and I can say now that I love myself. And these feelings further inspire me to continue my recovery.