Success!

I'm finally off of the Geodon! hooray! I already feel better. Gone will be the dizziness, muscle cramping, trembling hands, etc.

Here's what basically happened. This morning I got a call back from the R.N. at the clinic I go to, and she first wanted me to just lower my dosage, and then up it again later, but I told her, no, this medication is a barrier to my life, and I see no reason to be on it. She then asked me if I hear voices. So I had to go into a long explanation that no, I don't hear voices, I have an anxiety disorder, and because of that, I have a problem with negative inner dialog, that when I first met with my psychiatrist I told him they are like voices, but they are definitely not auditory hallucinations.

So I spent most of the day trying to convince them that I'm not schizophrenic and that this medication is causing so much harm and not even a little bit of good, that they finally gave me the O.K. to stop the Geodon cold turkey.

It really bothers me that my psychiatrist and my therapist, who work at the same clinic, can disagree on my diagnosis, so my therapist said that there's a test I can take that will provide objective proof that I'm not schizophrenic, but it may or may not cost money to take the test, I'll find out on Thursday when I go to the clinic.

You see, the whole thing started when I was explaining to the psychiatrist what my anxiety is like, and there was miscommunication that I didn't realize until recently, and he secretly decided I'm borderline Schizo-affective, so he referred me to another psychologist (who is different from my therapist) working at the same clinic who is running a study comparing the effects of Geodon versus Zyprexa. So I joined the study, with the hopes that this medication would help me, and also because by being on a study I get the medicine for free. I spent the next two months with nothing but side effects, and kept hearing over and over again that the side effects will go away in time and everything will be better, I kept hearing the R.N. say "Just hold on for two more weeks and it will be better".

So I finally took responsibility for my health and put an end to it. They are going to keep me on the study without the medication to track my progress, and since I'm still on the study there's an outside chance I can take this test for schizophrenia for free. The test is something I want to take, because I feel it is critical that my psychiatrist, my therapist, and other health care providers agree on a diagnosis so we can all work towards the same goal.

All that being said, now that I am feeling better, tomorrow morning I am going to put in an application for part-time work at the drug store down on the corner so I can take a nice healthy walk to work, and get my feet wet and see how I do with a job. I've been unemployed for 11 months now, so I want to kind of ease my way back into the job market and still give myself room to work on my recovery. It's real tough, because I was making over sixty grand a year before this whole crisis started, and now I am one hundred percent dependent on my family for my financial well-being. Wish me luck!