Each day is a struggle

I know I haven't been posting as often as I usually do, each day has been a struggle for me. I still wake up to major panic attacks, usually level 9, and it still takes me hours to calm myself down. Once I do get active, I start to feel better and the anxiety goes down to around level 3-5.

Saturday I had a great day, I went to see a demonstration of a space plane, my cousin-in-law drove me out to Mojave to see the demonstration. It was difficult for me to get out of bed and make the effort to go, but the excitement of seeing the demonstration distracted me from my anxiety enough to enjoy it and take some great pictures.

So, my current coping strategy is to gradually calm myself down to the point where I can become active doing something, like doing chores around the house, usually around the time my cousin comes home from work, which makes me feel safer.

What I should be doing is each morning on waking I should listen to my relaxation tape, take a shower, and then immediately become immersed in some activity to distract myself. At least that's what I would tell someone in my situation. Unfortunately, it's much easier said than done, I am unable to listen to my relaxation tape because I am in too much of a panic that I don't feel safe with my ears covered by headphones, so instead I spend hours using cognitive thought restructuring techniques to combat each negative, anxious thought, and gradually introduce positive thoughts.