Not a bad day overall...

Well, my anxiety and depression were quite low today. I met with my psychiatrist today and cleared up the confusion regarding taking Wellbutrin with an MAOI, so we're just going to stick with the Wellbutrin for the next month and increase the dosage, and if that has little or no affect, then we'll wean me back off the Wellbutrin and start an MAOI. In the meantime, we're changing how I take my Xanax. Normally I take 2mg four times a day, but it doesn't do a darn thing for me, or more accurately, if it is doing something for me, it's doing it below my level of awareness. In other words, I could theoretically be worse off with out it, but I don't see any signs that it's helping. So, I'm going to take 4mg twice a day. Since Xanax is a fast acting medicine, and completes it's rise and fall cycle in a matter of about 3 hours, my theory is that taking a larger dose at greater intervals will allow me to be better able to notice if this medication is helping me at all or changing my mood. Also, he gave me some samples of Ambien, a sleeping drug, at 10mg a night. Personally I doubt that at such a low level this won't do a darned thing for me, but it's free and worth a shot. If it don't work, I can just call them back and see if I can try a higher dosage. I really do want to get some normal sleep! Especially because I'm becoming interested in re-learning my lucid dream control techniques, with the hope that maybe, through my dreams I can work through my subconscious and learn more about what's driving my disorders and gain some new insight.

On another note, since my normal coping skills that I have listed on my coping skills page have seemed to stop working, or perhaps I have developed a tolerance to them (which I think is very possible, due to my overly active brain), and since my depression has been getting very severe these past couple months, I've gone back to using some coping skills I used as a young boy/early teenager. Like going for a long walk, throwing on my headphones and listening to heavy metal at very loud volumes to drown out the negative inner dialog, and then entering La-La land and fantasizing/daydreaming about winning the lottery and things like that. I've been doing this for a few days, and I can say that it has lifted my mood. It's not something I would endorse for anyone else with anxiety, because this type of coping skill is in reality an avoidance behavior. So, what I need to do now is to take what little lift in mood I get from it to help me get jump started back into using the more proper coping skills, and further to use the lifted mood to get out and do something.