Got...To...Think...Positive.... Stay on target, Stay on target!

Man today wasn't any better than yesterday during the day. I'm like getting more and more convinced that I'm going crazy. I'm having a harder time staying in the "real world", feeling very trapped in my own mind, trapped in my depression and anxiety and despair.

I have got to think positive! Every time I let myself get consumed in the black abyss of my depression and negative thinking, I simply reinforce that behavior and end up creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. Eventually, in the early evening, I was able to break through enough of that black abyss to generate some positive thinking. One of the things that has been driving my deep depression is the issues of trust and love... So one of my positive thoughts was to tell myself that yes it is still possible to find a woman that I can love and trust. If I can continue to tell myself things like this, then I can have a fighting chance at getting better. Also, like in my last post, I have to tell myself that no, people aren't going to look at me and think I'm crazy, and I really don't have anything to fear, and that I am very talented and I'll get through this. One of the things we talk about in the forums is not fighting the anxiety, don't turn it into a fight, just let it happen, experience it, and let it pass through you.

What makes it tough for me is that I've got more than just an anxiety disorder, so I'm, in a matter of speaking, having to fight a war on multiple fronts at all times, and any military strategist will tell you that you want to avoid fighting on multiple fronts at all costs. But I don't have much of a choice, so at different times I have to focus on different aspects of my disorder and trying to heal from them while allowing myself to be attacked from other angles. I don't know how else to explain it. I'm very strong and courageous and intelligent and talented and good looking, but I'm still human, so I can't be perfect and be optimistic and with positive attitude as often as I feel I should.

Anyhow, on a totally other note, out of the blue I got an email from a reader who just also happens to have started a blog about his experiences with anxiety and panic called "In The Moment" You may want to check it out, he's just getting started. It was so nice to find someone else doing a blog about experiences with anxiety, I've been looking and looking and this is the first I've found.