Response to previous post.

In response to my previous post, I'm copying and pasting something I posted on the Midwest Center's Attacking Anxiety online support forum, a program I highly recommend.

Hi, my name is Dave, and I am a negative thinker.

Hehe sorry, I guess that's just kind of a poor humor coming from the depression I'm in.

I'm in deep depression, for the past two days. Big time negative dialog.

Do I know better? Yes, by now, I definitely know better. I know how to replace the negative dialog with compassionate self dialog.

But... I don't want to. I think many of you know why, it's the old "old habits die hard" thing. Negative dialog is in its own way a comfort zone.

I really feel like I need someone to kick me in the butt to go back and listen to the tape on compassionate self dialog. Maybe if you guys flood my email inbox that'll be a kick in the butt hehehe. But, then the negative dialog is telling me that that is placing the responsiblity on others and not myself, where it should be... argh. I think too much. Way too much, I'm one of those people that can rationalize anything.

I've beaten negative thinking, at least for a while, more than a few times, I know I could do it again.

But my depression right now is real deep, about the whole human condition, the whole thing about what's the point? The kind of depression where all of those things like sunsets and beatiful forests and good friendships, when I think of or see those things, I only see the negative and not the positive.

Well, I guess I'm just talking out loud.. well, er writing anyways hehe. I know what I'm supposed to do, I just felt the need to say it here.

p.s., just a quick reply... since I've learned earlier that I have to first monitor my thoughts.. oh let me back up a second.

After posting the above, I kicked myself in the butt, went to my bookshelf and pulled out the book on lesson three (I guess I should have posted this in that forum) and the first thing I read was the page on Examples Of Negative and Postive Statements.

The first one was:

Neagtive: "I feel so dependent and afraid. Will I ever be normal again?"

Positive: "Feeling this way is just part of this condition. I am working on getting over this and I will feel "normal" again."

My immediate though after reading this was "I don't want to be normal". "When I look at "normal" emotionaly healthy people, I still don't want to be normal".

So... as I'm writing this, I just thought of a postive response to that negative thinking.

"But I do want to be ME. I have something special, something many people have seen in me and sought out in me. I am special, and what I really want is to just be ME. Due to my condition, it is difficult to be ME with ease, but I must continue to be patient, to allow myself to smile, and when I see a spark of "ME" to let it shine."