Waking up crying.... or in a panic

I'm still having a bad time with my sleeping, nine out of ten times where I am able to fall asleep long enough to start dreaming, I wake up either crying or in a panic. Yeah, I still have this problem. It's just that in the past couple months it has became more and more frequent, so now it is almost all the time. I usually wake up with tears in my eyes and very saddened, or I wake up in the middle of a panic attack, depending upon the content of whatever dream I was having as I awoke.

It's really starting to bother me. I can't sleep like normal people anymore... I mean I've always had some kind of sleep problems, but this is the worst it's ever been for this long.

It's partly due to the medication I'm on I'm sure, since I started taking the Wellbutrin I've had a much harder time with the whole sleep thing. It may also have to do with my lack of eating, the medicine also makes my stomach feel full all the time, so even the thought of eating makes me sick, but knowing that I have to eat something, I have to force-feed myself one small meal each day. Which isn't enough, but it's all I can stomach. And, I'm sure some of it may have to do with the fact that I have over the past six months been delving deep into my past, bringing up repressed issues and dealing with them, so my subconscious has easier access to these memories and therefore they haunt me in my dreams, even though I've gone through the therapeutic process of "letting them go".

So, as I write this, I can hardly keep my eyes open, very tired at a quarter after 7pm, wanting to go to sleep but not sure that I could if I tried... I've been trying to sleep all day, but I've only gotten little spurts of sleep hear and there, and in between the little naps I've been having panic attacks.

And I haven't been able to sleep at all during the night-time for more than one hour total while the sun is actually down... I have the most energy then, so I stay up all night until my body finally caves in around 8am and I crash for a couple hours, then it's up for an hour or so of panic attacks, then crash for another hour, lather, rinse, repeat until I either have to actually be somewhere and do something, or until late night approaches and I start to have more energy.

I've tried to force myself back to a normal schedule and I've failed miserably every time. I'll force myself to try and fall asleep at a normal hour, say nine or ten, and if I am successful at that, I can not stay asleep for more than one hour, and after that nothing I do will make me fall back asleep... not going for a long walk, not reading, not even sleeping pills, until well after the sun has come up. And as for forcing myself to stay awake and active during the day, I haven't been able to do that either between the panic attacks and the zombie-like state I get in during the day where my body craves sleep.

I see my psychiatrist tomorrow, I'll definitely mention this to him.

As a side note, thanks to all of you who have called or emailed to let me know that you are praying for me. I appreciate, and I sincerely hope that God hears your prayers.
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