Feeling a little better again

Well, I'm starting to feel a little more confident, and especially less depressed. It helped a little to vent on my blog here, and I had some nice email chats with some readers, but I got a big help by letting myself have some fun playing my old favorite computer games... you know, just sitting back and getting sucked into some game for a few hours... boy, it really helped! Not only was I having a little fun, but the game took my mind away from the black hole of depression for a while, distracted me from all those circular negative thoughts... so I'm taking that little bit of a boost and trying to build on it by getting a few more things done around the house than I have been recently, and to start using some of that positive, compassionate self dialog and my breathing exercises again. Good for me! Not a major triumph, but hey, we'll take it!

I had a good meeting with my therapist today... I've decided against maxing out my credit card and getting a bass guitar. Too much anxiety there, and I'm afraid that the little bit of cushion I have left on my credit card should be saved for emergencies, because there sure isn't any money left anywhere else since I've been sucking all this money away from my family. God bless them for not putting me through a guilt trip about it. Dad, Mom, the rest of you, thank you so much again for your sincere support, even when I've lost hope you haven't given up on me.

Anyway, what I'm going to try to do is to do some more creative things, like some more creative writing and things like that to help let out my emotions... Theoretically this will help keep me from the deepest part of the depression, perhaps just enough that I can gain the energy and desire to keep using my coping mechanisms and do some more work on my codependency.

So, it's been a good day so far, and yesterday wasn't so bad, so I'm going to try and keep it positive as long as I can! But, at the same time, I'm going to tell myself, that, hey, I'm human, I'm not perfect, and to quit having such unrealistic expectations of myself, I can't just "snap out of it" and be all bright and shiny, and also because I'm human there are going to be times where I fall into the void of self-pity.
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