insert title here ;-)

I'm having some problems with my internet service provider so it's a little more difficult to post frequently. I'm trying to get it sorted out but it may take some days.

Anyway, not sure if I've already mentioned this, but on the Lamictal, even at this low starting dosage, I notice that my stomach constantly feels full; I'm supposed to be eating many small meals a day to keep my hypoglycemia in balance but it makes me sick to even think about eating. I'm still sleeping a lot, and it's difficult for me to keep track of time or the days. I'm thankfully not as depressed as I was, I'm not down thinking suicidal thoughts or anything anymore, but most of my emotions seem to be a little dulled, probably due to the Lamictal. It does seem to help with the intrussive, obsessive thoughts, I'm able to get off the "train" of thoughts a little bit easier. So that's all good and well I guess. With most meds, you have to take the good with the bad. I'm glad a lot of the dark thoughts are gone, but I'm a little distressed that it's harder for me to keep track of my commitments and such.

I received the formal report from my brain scans yesterday, and when I read them I did get depressed for a while, as the treatment plan they suggest sounds a lot like what I've already been doing for years. But, at least it's a plan.

One of the questions I have in therapy is how do I learn to love myself, nurture myself, and really care about my well being and hygeine? I've been through Bradshaw's books, which I think are good, but some of the stuff he suggested backfired on me as I tried working on my "inner child". A friend and my therapist think I need that someone special in my life to help provide me... I'm not sure how to put it... I guess you could say somehow use the love they give me to learn how to love myself? I'm not sure. I've been through a lot of self esteem books and worked on positive dialog a lot, but my therapist refers to most of that as "band aids".

Seems like there was something else I wanted to post about, but I can't remember what, if anything.