Feeling a little better tonight after depressing morning

I woke up feeling still really depressed, woke up, as seems usual lately, with memories of past failed relationships and broken heart. Saw my therapist, he told me all the things I know I'm supposed to do, mostly to do with positive and negative thinking. I still have a lot of resentment and anger deep within me about some traumatic events in my life, and those negative thoughts are controlling my life and my behavior. I'm obsessing on them.

I like to use computer analogies. Think of positive thinking as a software program running on a computer, and negative thinking as a virus. Think of my physiological brain problems as the computer hardware. It's hard to get the software running right when the hardware is buggy. I saw my psychiatrist, he upped my Xanax back to where it was at, at 8mg a day, and started me on the slow rise to 250mg or more of Lamictal, starting out at 25mg for the first two weeks, it'll probably take me up to two months before I notice a difference and get to the target dosage, which could be as high as 400mg. I've been on this med before, but only as high as 125mg. He also sent me to get my testosterone and LH hormones tested, as well as a full blood panel in preparation for going on Lithium, which I may start in two weeks when I see him again and have the full results of both my brain scans and my blood tests.

I was feeling a little better, but still anti-social. I've been very sick to my stomach with all the constant worrying. My family has also been very supportive too. I finally made myself get online and play some games with my internet friends, and that helped cheer up my mood as we had some fun.

I know what my therapist is trying to do. He's trying to get me to shuck these attitudes I still carry from my childhood, and let my true self shine through. But I get stuck on thinking negatively as well as delusionally and it seems to take more and more to get me out of that rut. Hopefully, over the coming months the meds will help me actively use positive self talk and approach life with a new attitude.

I'm trying to get my hands on a good supplier of Omega3 supplements, which are shown to really help with stabilizing mood without side effects. It's harder to find a good supplier than it seems. I'm supposed to take 1000 mg 4 times a day or more, but when I really look at the labels of the supplements I find, I find that 1000mg really isn't 1000mg, with brand X it's really like 300, and brand Y it's like 600. The Amen clinic, which is the clinic I went to for my scans, sells pharmaceutical grade Omega-3, I'm going to try and order some from them so I can be sure I'm getting the right thing. I'll be taking vitamins C and E as well, they are anti-oxidants which help the body properly make use of Omega 3. I'm still taking a multivitamin, protein shakes and chromium to help stabilize my blood sugar levels, and melatonin at night to help me sleep.

I think that's all for now.