What a week

This week was a real roller coaster. I spent a lot of time pacing and unsure of myself. I'm seeing a new therapist regularly now. My previous therapist helped me do the research to find the tools I need to use to make myself better, this new therapist is going to be "pushing my buttons" to try and break me out of my shell and put those tools to work. Easier said than done, is what I say, but I know it's what must be done. I had a session with him Tuesday where he was pushing my buttons a little bit, and I reacted by feeling guilty that I'm making all of these problems up in my head, and I started having suicidal ideations again.

I'm also going back to a regular weekly group session again, and we're discussing some issues that really cross my boundaries in those sessions.

this weekend I have two big parties to go to for the holiday, and I'm using a lot of positive thinking to convince myself that it will be all right for me to just relax and have a good time rather than focus on the fact that I usually get very anxious and start to depersonalize at parties and such.