Update

I saw my psychiatrist yesterday, and he told me that I should go down by half a miligram a week from now on that I'm getting to the lower dosages. We also switched from Symbyax (a combination of Prozac and Zyprexa) to just plain Zyprexa, but at a higher dosage (10mg, where I was on 6mg with the Symbyax)

I had a real good group therapy session today, I was able to talk quite a bit and it felt good. My therapist is trying to get me to take more of a "fuck it" (his words) approach to the way I react to things in my own head. Kind of as a way of not letting the past control my present.

For the most part I'm still spending a lot of time in bed avoiding things. Before my group session today I was cleaning my room and that brought up a lot of past things almost like post-traumatic shock, I kept hearing in my head people telling me I wasn't doing good enough and even while vacuuming I got the paranoid feeling that someone was going to stab me in the back, which happens to me usually when I'm vacuuming for some strange reason. I kept feeling like I was going to be beaten like a little kid if I didn't clean my room last night. It really sucks being 30 years old and still have this stupid trauma holding me back.