I wish I could get a grip on myself

I wish I could get a grip on myself. My moods fluctuated the whole spectrum today. I went from manic swings of thinking I could go back to school or read all these psychology books and know just what to do to fix myself, or go back to work part time, to being lethargic, depressed, and just now, crying over the loss of past relationships and once again thinking that suicide might be right if things are only going to get worse, being lonely and afraid and frustrated knowing that even the rare chances when I do get to "hang out" I'm unable to really experience it.

I'm still learning a lot, and still have a lot more to learn. But my purpose to keep going changes frequently. I just can't keep a grip on my mood. I just can't keep focused on anything long enough to finish it. There's a lot I want to add to this website that I am finding out about, but I get distracted or make excuses or tell myself to be patient that it doesn't need to be done right away.

My aunt and I are reading a book on bipolar disorder together, I think it will help us get along better.

Meanwhile, I'm missing those few days where I was on a regular sleeping pattern. Maybe it's time to take another sleeping pill.