Still going with the flow

Well, I'm still kind of going with the flow, my moods are unpredictable, I'm noticing that more myself, and I'm just kind of riding along with them.

I went ahead and went to the Senator's office to have him look into my Social Security money on my behalf, I should hear back in a couple weeks or so, the people at the office were really nice.

I had a strange, powerful dream that woke me up this morning, the kind of dream that feels like it's an "omen" or something... one of those dreams where I wake up frightened because it involves people I care about, and it's hard not to resist the urge to call these people and warn them of the danger in my dream. I get those every so often, they're only rarely turn out to be true, I'm chalking this one up to just a mish-mash of things getting jumbled up in my dream and I'm not going to freak out and call everyone.

Finances are going to be screwy for me for a while, it's going to take some adjustment to see how much having MediCAL will affect my monthly budget, it's pretty clear that at least in the short term it will make things more complicated. Thanksgiving and Christmas are coming up, too, so that puts another wrench into it as well.

I'm going to be visiting my dad and some other family at his place in Nevada, it's like a six hour drive for me if I remember. I'm not so nervous about the drive as I am about staying in a place I'm not used to for a few days or more in a row (don't yet know how long I'll be staying). With my anxiety, I always have a need for a "safe place" to escape to, and being away from home I won't have as many "escape routes".

I'm also kind of contemplating trying to fly back to Michigan, where I grew up, early next year as a late Christmas visit... I keep changing my mind on whether that's a good idea or not. My last trip I had serious panic attacks, and was unable for the most part to see any of my old friends... it was nice to see my mom and stuff, but other than that, it was a really difficult trip for me anxiety-wise, and depressed too because I wasn't able to spend more time with friends. I haven't heard from any of my friends in months, so I'm worried if I do go back I wouldn't be able to see them at all, and that bothers me some. I'd still like to go see my mom and step-dad though... for the meantime, I've just decided to wait until I can get that money that Social Security owes me and then I'll decide.