Lions and tigers and bears, oh my!

Actually it should be "anxiety and nerves and uncertainty, oh my!". Today I leave for my trip that will eventually take me back home to see the rest of my family and friends. I'm shaking, I can hardly concentrate enough to figure out what I'm supposed to pack, I'm afraid of the trauma I'll experience on the plane (I'm not phobic of airplanes or confined spaces, I just have a horrible pain reaction to the changes in air pressure), I'm afraid that my friends will see me have a panic attack (even though I know they understand), and I'm afraid because since I'm having so much anxiety just packing my bags it frightens me even more to think that it's such a short trip, how will I find the time I need to spend with the family and friends.

Yeah, yeah, it's all in my head. Just relax. It's a vacation. It's a chance to see my family and my old buddies. Take some deep breaths. There, that's a little better, isn't it? Just go at your on pace. You've been on close to a hundred trips like this before, you know you can handle it with ease, and everyone is understanding and supportive. There's no real pressure.

OK, that's better. That's one of the things people like me learn, how to talk yourself out of your own anxieties. Now if I can just get on the right medication to take care of the other half of the equation.... but let's not get started on that again, shall we? ;-)

I had a dream last night that I returned to Germany on a second study-abroad trip, and I was helping all the first-time students cope with life in a new country, and it actually felt quite good. I don't think I've ever talked about my trip to Germany on this web page. It was the most wonderful experience of my life, even though I was having severe panic, anxiety and depression while I was there. One of my goals is to overcome the severe anxiety so that some day I can return and pay a visit to the friends I had met while there. If you're curious, you can check out the website of the Junior Year In Munich program which I went through for my study-abroad trip. Und, wenn Sie Deutsch sprechen koennen, bitte schreib mir einen Email. Ich will mein Deutsch verbessern.