gaining weight again

I recently doubled the Zyprexa portion of my Symbyax, and I can already see my tummy sticking out further. I just threw out some old jeans that don't fit and have holes in them anyway; my aunt was kind enough to buy me some new ones. I hate going through all these medication changes, with the weight changes they sometimes make, it seems like I'm always needing new clothes.

I had dinner with my neighbor yesterday, and was kind of surprised to be panicky the whole time. I rushed through dinner, declined the offer to stay and watch a movie, and went straight home to watch a movie myself, although I had said I was going to go for a walk. I wanted to go for a walk, but I couldn't fight the panic attack to do it. So, instead, I threw in a DVD and turned it up loud, and when my aunt came home and told me to turn it down, I threw a minor hissy fit about it like a teenager. Had a lot of depression last night too.

But, at least I'm sleeping more normal hours now, my psychiatrist gave me some stronger sleeping pills but I haven't needed to use them yet. But I can't stop eating, eating like a pig since I've been on this medicine it seems like.

My psychiatrist re-diagnosed me as bi-polar depressed with panic attacks. I grabbed a copy of my medical records from them while I was there and I saw that they wrote down bi-polar as a possibility on my first visit.

I had a lot of stress mostly about finances the past week, the clinic keeps screwing up my billing, first telling me that I owe them hundreds of dollars and then turning around and saying that they owe me hundreds, then saying we're even, rinse, lather, repeat. What a mess. To keep things easier and cheaper, I'm going to cut my visits down to just seeing my psychiatrist once a month and not go to any more therapy sessions.

I did get up early today and went for a short walk, haven't done that in a long time.