Trip to the psychiatrist...

My psychiatrist today adjusted my meds a bit and told me to see him again in three weeks. The adjustments were small, so I'm not expecting an improvement in that amount of time. I told him of my concerns about side effects and that I feel I'm getting worse. My cousin asked him if he thought I could qualify for state disablity and he said probably and that he would sign for it if we brought in the paperwork. After we got out of his office and went to the counter to pay, I realized I had forgotten to ask the Dr for more prescriptions and free samples, and had to go through lengthy explanations with the staff befind the counter to get this done, which immediatley caused some shame-based anxiety to develop inside of me. I started having thoughts that these people thought I was just trying to sponge some free meds off of them and that I was inconveniencing them by not coming back the next day to get my prescriptions, but hey I can't drive due to my disability! Then we had to wait in the lobby while they took care of getting the meds, and the lobby was too scary for me so I had to go outside in the courtyard and have a cigarette.

On the way home, I was fretting about money, how to pay for meds if they stop giving me free samples, my cousin wants me on this welfare disability thing and I felt some shame about that. I had to keep telling myself that things will work out, to focus on the here and now and not on what might or might not happen in the weeks or months ahead. Thinking that helped a little bit.