Just wanna have fun....

I'm really getting tired of things continuing to go downhill with my social anxiety... I'm getting to the point were I'd rather just be alone 24/7. I can't handle parties for more than five minutes before the panic attacks set in. I get bothered when people try to talk to me. Driving is getting harder as my concentration seems to be getting worse, and my memory too. Sucks too, because in about a month I turn thirty and I always wanted to have a big 3-0 party... part of me still does, but the truth is I wouldn't be able to handle it if I had one.

I'm also starting to have problems with thoughts that everyone is mad or disappointed in me in some way.... that's what I hate about my disorder, it's so contradictory... I have no reason to think this way, and I combat these thoughts with compassionate self dialog and relaxation and distraction, but no matter what I do, the thoughts and feelings remain. Catastrophic thoughts and issues of trust plague my dreams. And I still have absolutely no energy, despite my efforts to get out and walk and take all these vitamins and supplements that are supposed to help with my energy levels. Maybe the drugs have something to do with that, since Gabitril does cause drowsiness... but I've felt this way since before taking it...