Not all bad...

I'm not sure what to write, I know it's been over a week since I've posted. In the past week I've pretty much isolated myself from just about everything. I've been a little depressed, a little anxious, a little afraid, a bit paranoid, but no one thing real bad. Just a big sense of "blah" I guess. Most days not in the mood to talk to anyone, just want to be alone. But I did get out a couple times, to my therapy apointments, group therapy, and this weekend to visit with my Uncle who just moved out here, I've always enjoyed the conversations we have. He's a music teacher, and we're going to try and work out some time that he can teach me some music theory and we can play together.

One of the things that we're discussing in my individual therapy and also with my family is getting me motivated to want to do something. You know, get me in the mood to want to do something with my life. Wether it be music, going back to school, getting back into my karate lessons, whatever. I'm just totally lacking in motivation, and have been for a while. I used to be a very highly motivated person, but nothing "real" interests me much anymore. About the only motivation to do something is the social pressure to do so.

But at least I'm not suicidally depressed like I occasionally was in the past. So that's good. I'm not sure yet if the lithium is having an effect on me or not. I see my psychiatrist tomorrow, and I expect him to increase the amount of lithium.